Escape to the Country

Escape to the Country.

Series 15

Episode 4

Jonnie Irwin helps a couple of busy Londoners find a home, business and slower pace of life in the countryside with a generous budget. Away from the house hunt, Jonnie steps back in time to the Stone Age and learns the art of flint napping

We have all watched (even if accidentally) ETTC. I used to watch it and say to the TV ‘ah no one ever buys a house on here! It’s just people going round houses saying ‘It’s got the island you wanted’, and ‘there’s space for your artist’s studio’’ and you know full well they don’t like it.

So, by way of an oblique introduction to your hosts at Old Hall Country Breaks (OHCB) I will tell you our own ETTC story.

Probably around six years ago now, I secretly applied to ‘Escape’ and subsequently forgot all about it, then about six months later I got an email from the production team saying we had been selected to take part. I told Gil straight away, and just as I thought, he was excited to go on telly. I was cooler about it (as a veteran at TV studios from my days as a regular audience member on ‘the Tube’- you may have to google it unless you are of a certain vintage) but still, we would get to look at houses and see how other people live which is never boring.

So we were, at that time, seriously looking for a house in Suffolk. We had a small weekend cottage in a lovely village called Clare but wanted to sell that and our flat in Shoreditch and move full time to the country. Yes, the typical ETTC dream.

One of the ‘rules’ of reality TV is that you cannot be shown any house that you have previously viewed, as this then would not be reality, any ‘reaction’ shots would be fake. So, we submitted to the production team all the properties we had viewed. There weren’t many left unseen.

Back to the story. First the production team visited up at our flat in Hoxton, they filmed us in the living room, strolling nonchalantly round the street market (there’s a particularly ‘grime’ image of us standing in front of graffiti art - I’m saving it for my rap album cover), and somewhat randomly, ice skating in Broadgate. This is the set up where you find out all about the couple, their dreams and what they plan to leave behind. We found this terrific fun, and, apart from the (frankly mortifying ‘made for TV’ movie) ice skating sequence, we were pleased that we didn’t need dozens of ‘takes’ – could a career in TV beckon? Would be snatched from obscurity like Steph and Dom?

Next, on location! Staying in the very fancy ‘The Swan’ in Lavenham for three nights. What a treat, we met Jonnie Irwin the host that first night, as he joined us for dinner, and the atmosphere was very relaxed. I’m sure its usual practice but it did put us at ease, and I think we both felt in the swing by the time filming started the next day.

Ok so our criteria were: min 5 beds, five acres and stables, detached, character, less than 80 miles from London (we still had to commute back then) and definitely not (no offence) a bungalow. We like stairs.

On arriving at house no.1 we discovered another rule, we had to wait in the car, in the street and wait to be called by the producer so that when we walked to meet Jonnie at the door of the house, our facial expressions and reactions would be natural. I was heartened by these requirements as probably had I been pressed I would have said that I was cynical about how ‘real’ these programmes are. We didn’t really like the house, but we enjoyed the ‘how much do you think this property is on the market for?’ as we are very competitive and we both wanted to be the nearest! I don’t remember who was (I do, but modesty forbids…).

House number two was gorgeous! But 120 miles from London and when we worked out the commute, it was undoable. So, a bit of a tease really! And set us up very well for house number three, ‘the mystery house’.

Regular viewers will know that the mystery house is usually off-piste, it usually has features vetoed by the prospective purchasers. This was no different in our case.

As we waited in the car for the call from the production team, our previous day’s disappointment still fresh, we began to bicker a little. Gil told me not to ‘go poking around, looking at family photographs and things’ which led to a heated discussion about the importance of being natural and ‘being me’ vs Gil’s concern that I wouldn’t come across like a curtain twitcher. We were just getting into it, voices were raised, when we got the call to go round and meet Jonnie…

It was a bungalow, added to this, Gil and I were barely speaking and (we forgot) we had already been ‘miked up’ so the team heard every word of our row. Awks! So, were whisked around the bungalow at breakneck pace, faces like thunder, Jonnie to his credit didn’t labour it and cut the ‘you could convert the garden shed into a stable’ pleasantries down to the bone and very soon we were filming the final sequence, sitting in the pub mulling our options.

You know what? We didn’t buy any of the houses, but it helped us realise we needed to go further afield, try and work out a way to not have to commute to London and apart from ‘BungalowGate’, we had a ball. Jonnie was lovely and we are still in touch, there may be a follow-up in the wings ‘We escaped….’. Watch this space.

Next blog – how we came to find Old Hall.